Tomorrow I graduate from college, but today feels no different than the other nine first-days-after-the-semester-ends that have come before it. I think, especially after a long, difficult teaching internship and after five years in post-secondary academia, I expected to somehow feel like a changed man, like a professional or, I suppose, like an adult. The fact of the matter is that very little has actually changed except that there are now two letters after my name. I'm not even weepy about leaving the place that I've called home for five years, though of course I will miss the people, some of whom are my best friends. Maybe I've been enough of a nomad for the last several years that one more move doesn't really phase me. I'm simply moving on to one more place, one more occupation, one more season of life, and I suppose that's a healthy view to have. Still, my lack of sentimentality surprises even me.
In a couple of days, I'll be leaving with a good friend for Kentucky. It's about a seven-hour drive from Kalamazoo, enough to be somewhere warm and away from the craziness of home and school. I feel that I've been so busy and preoccupied with my obligations to my degree that I haven't had the time to concentrate on life and people, on the things that make it all worth it, and this retreat of sorts will be a breath of fresh air. To have the time to simply be, to rejoice in the beauty of God's creation, to pray and fast and seek and enjoy and experience the One who made it all will be so welcome. It will be light for my soul.
I think that in these times of transition, there may be nothing more important than to stop every once in a while. It is tempting, for some more than it is for me, to grab the diploma and go -- knowing where is less important than moving itself. But I think that is selling ourselves short. Action is necessary, but will come in its time. Knowing where we are going and why we are going there makes all the difference in the way we do life, and doing the best thing is probably a lot less important than doing it in the right way.
My hope is that in the next several days we will be able to experience God in a way that changes our lives. I hope that by spending time with him we will be prepared to see the direction of our lives, and to be proactive about making them lives that are worth living.
As I was talking to my roommate last night, I realized that there are really two things that define us as Christians. The first is simply Christ -- we have been redeemed by his blood, we have put him on as an outer garment, as something that clothes us and makes us complete and whole, and we have taken him to be our model, our lover, our friend, and our purpose. The second is more personal. Paul says that we are the body of Christ, and each individual is a different part of the body, each with different gifts and different purposes. While it is the purpose of the whole to glorify and love God, one part will do that differently than another, just as the hand has a different purpose than the liver does. It is our responsibility to build up one another, edifying the body, glorifying God, and loving all people using our gifts. On the one hand, we are simply Christ. On the other, we are beautifully unique, specifically crafted for a specialized purpose.
I don't want to miss that purpose.
My friend and I will be praying, fasting, and hiking, which almost becomes a spiritual discipline in itself. We'll also be going through Donald Miller's Storyline book, which has a series of modules that is supposed to help you see yourself as a character and your life as a story, a subplot in God's greater story, full of driving ambitions and conflicts and climaxes and resolutions. I hope to come out of this with a clearer head, a heart that is ready and passionate to do the will of God, a soul refreshed and delighted in his presence and beauty.
A friend compared this to Jesus' 40-day fast in the wilderness before he began his ministry. I wish I had 40 days to spend. I will have only about four -- but what a blessing those four days will be. Four days to seek after God and experience him, unhindered by anything. Four days to discern the purpose of my life.
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